7-UP yours

(CNN) -- It fizzes. It quenches. And it could also contain fecal bacteria.
Nearly half of the 90 beverages from soda fountain machines in one area in Virginia tested positive for coliform bacteria -- which could indicate possible fecal contamination, according to a study published in the January issue of International Journal of Food Microbiology.

-Was it human or animal fecal matter? Just asking, there's a lot of bestiality in VA

-This explains why Sierra Mist tastes like shit

-After hearing the results of the study, one local resident was over heard telling his wife "so not only is all that soda making you fatter, but it's also the reason your breath stinks."

-So they were serious with that 7-UP advertising campaign, "make 7-Up yours"